paths.

My hair is salty and a mess.
The air is warm, it’s 9:30pm and I’m in damp togs with shorts and a singlet.
I like it. I feel like nothing matters right now. That I could do nothing but swim and lie in the sun all day with a book and it would be alright.

Mount Maunganui is a beautiful place. It is amongst this beauty I’m waiting for God to show, to soothe my heart and calm my soul that lately has been ravaged by many things that are too persistent to ignore.

Exam results are out and my future is no longer certain.
University is no longer where my path is headed. It has been guided in another direction that I cannot see. I have been set on a path I do not know, that I cannot see what is to come and means I must take every moment as it comes.

Jehovah jireh – God, our provider.

Lately I have been learning. The whole past month and a bit has been full of learning.
♥ I have learnt that I am much better with words and writing and research than I am with numbers, problems and solving.
♥ I have learnt that I am more flexible to fit into different situations than I thought or have allowed myself to be.
♥ That sometimes the best thing I can do is just be silent and patient.
♥ That I have grown in the past year and a half; that I actually have changed and become more of who God wants me to be.
♥ I have learnt what it means to love God with everything. I have seen it in practise.

And so I wonder what this season will bring; what I will learn in this painful, messy, spontaneous, unknown and scary time of my life that I am just starting into.

I think somewhere inside me I’m excited.
But I don’t quite realise it right now.