what i've learnt

i've learnt;
that change is good and that getting out of your comfort zone is a necessity.
that there is no substitute for hard work.
that i have the best family in the world.
that some friends are forever and some just aren't.

that time spent unwisely is time i will never get back.
that people see me different to how i see myself.
that my heart is confusing and i don't know it as well as i thought.
that my dreams are worth chasing and i was born for this.
that God is the only true constant in this world.

i may make more of an effort to keep this going.
i forget how much i actually like to write.

Listening to; King of All Days - United.
It's an epic song.

To My Dearest.

I have almost never been more proud.
I want to dedicate this blog to an amazing friend who I was blessed enough to spend a great month in America with.

Hey boyfriend and her have recorded a song together and there really are no words to explain how my heart felt when I heard it. I have such talented friends, I do not deserve most of them.

Check out www.myspace.com/daveoatismusic and listen to the song 'To My Dearest ft Rii.'

LOVELOVELOVE

wow.

I will have been in Auckland for 3 weeks tomorrow.

I don't know where the times gone, it seems like Mum could have dropped me off yesterday. But it also seems like I haven't seen her, or anyone for that matter, in too long.

It is still dawning on me that I really am in the place that will be my home for three years. It was so far away at some point and then unexpectedly it arrived so fast and I wasn't ready for it.

It is definately an up and down process. I have incredible ups but at some point I have to go down and I normally go down pretty hard it seems.

For the first week I had Jenna. For the first week I had something to keep myself occupied with.
I was so busy I never really realised that I was actually here.
I was at the LTT, I was hanging out with an America, I was barely at the hostel.... it was so unreal.
I didn't even get time to think about home.

Then Jenna left, the LTT ended and suddenly I was always at the hostel.
Between classes I was just lost and purposeless. I had no friends and no work to do. So that was the downer, the first few days dragged me down and I just didn't know what to do to get out of it.
But slowly it got better. I found work to do. Occasionally I'd hang out with people, arrange coffee or lunches with people I already knew and it kept me sane.
It has been harder than I thought making actual Uni friends. Two of my lectures are big, I never see the same people twice. I had all these ideas of what it was going to be like, that it would immediately be easy , that I would automatically find a good friend. I eventually stopped to realise that it all might be a process, an ongoing challenge, that God was stretching me through this and boy has it been hard.
But in this pain, out of my comfort zone, in something strange I am seeking Him.
He is what is holding me up. He has answered my prayers.
He has given me a close friend who has made everything so much easier to bear.

But now, two weeks into lectures and although I still don't have any real Uni friends I am content in knowing that God will provide.
This time has led me to be incredibly close to Him. To put aside time for Him and just lie in His presence.
The pain still comes, I still miss home, I still miss friends and the comfort I had, but it is becoming more bearable.
I am starting to understand that I need this pain. It is good pain, healthy pain, the type of pain and hurt that grows you more than you'd realise.
I have realised He keeps His promises. He has given me what I need.
I have Zoe and the Horizon crew. I have my apartment buddies. & more than that, I have Jesus.




But everythings going well. I like my papers and although they are a lot of work, I love doing it. They are fascinating and something that completely interests me. They're things I can be passionate about.

I promise I'm going to update this more ha.
I've been bad.
xx

He is jealous for me.
loves like a hurricane i am a tree
bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.



5 days and I've been home for a month.
2 weeks and I'm moving out of home.
3 weeks, 2 days and I start university.
3 or so years and I'm graduating.



when all of a sudden
i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and i realise just how beautiful You are
and how great Your affections are for me.


in 2 weeks i seem to have so much to do, yet nothing.
i'm unable to concentrate beyond primal on thursday. after i have gotten that done i will be more willing to accept that i actually am leaving.

But I am hopeful. I am excited about it;
about moving to Auckland and starting the next part of my life.
about meeting the 4 girls I will be living with this year.
about orientation week.
about the LTT and hanging out with Jenna and the American crew. [maybe it'll feel like home?]
And about getting started into lectures, tutorials, assignments and reading.

It's so new, it's so foreign and unfamiliar.
It's a step, a jump, a bound, a leap, a dive into what He has planned.
I am scared, I am nervous, I am shaking.
But over all that I am excited, my heart beats slightly faster and i can't help but smile and know that He will take care of me.
He has it all worked out.

how time drags.

How has it only been 11 days since I was in America?
I'm sure it has been at least a month. It feels like i haven't seen these girls in forever.

As for news. Uni is a happening thing after all.
I'm doing a Conjoint Degree [two at the same time]
Bachelor of Theology; majoring in Biblical Studies. &&
Bachelor of the Arts; majoring in Emplyoment Relations and Organisation Studies.

Summer is beautiful. But I miss the snow.
Parachute starts tomorrow! =]
I am looking forward to my Saturday night up there.

It has been nice catching up with people I haven't seen in ages.
My lack of job, although it means I'm broke, allows me a lot of social time I wouldn't otherwise have.
So I'm not complaining.
I LIKE SPENDING TIME WITH MY FRIENDS
:]]
[beckyes smiley face]







♥♥♥

paths.

My hair is salty and a mess.
The air is warm, it’s 9:30pm and I’m in damp togs with shorts and a singlet.
I like it. I feel like nothing matters right now. That I could do nothing but swim and lie in the sun all day with a book and it would be alright.

Mount Maunganui is a beautiful place. It is amongst this beauty I’m waiting for God to show, to soothe my heart and calm my soul that lately has been ravaged by many things that are too persistent to ignore.

Exam results are out and my future is no longer certain.
University is no longer where my path is headed. It has been guided in another direction that I cannot see. I have been set on a path I do not know, that I cannot see what is to come and means I must take every moment as it comes.

Jehovah jireh – God, our provider.

Lately I have been learning. The whole past month and a bit has been full of learning.
♥ I have learnt that I am much better with words and writing and research than I am with numbers, problems and solving.
♥ I have learnt that I am more flexible to fit into different situations than I thought or have allowed myself to be.
♥ That sometimes the best thing I can do is just be silent and patient.
♥ That I have grown in the past year and a half; that I actually have changed and become more of who God wants me to be.
♥ I have learnt what it means to love God with everything. I have seen it in practise.

And so I wonder what this season will bring; what I will learn in this painful, messy, spontaneous, unknown and scary time of my life that I am just starting into.

I think somewhere inside me I’m excited.
But I don’t quite realise it right now.

and times flies.

Two days.
Two days.
Two freaking days left in my second home.

Time has passed quicker than I feel it should have.
I feel somewhat cheated and robbed; but satisfied and content simultaneously.



Since New Years, we have been busy.
Trying to go places, see things, spend time with people and make the most of the time I have left.
We have been to Lake Tahoe for a night =]
We have been snowboarding.
I have hung out with the friends I've made.
I have spent time with Beck, Leez and Sarah.
I have done a hundred other things and loved them all.

Tomorrow and Saturday will be spent in the company of friends.
And finishing up last minute things before I head home.

New Year

I welcomed in the New Year in a place that for the past 25 days has been my home; a place that feels like my home.

They say home is where the heart is. If this is the case, both my heart and home are torn and in two different places.

My heart is with my family, my friends back home and my beautiful country.
But my heart is in Placerville California with the people I've met and spent time with. It is in the house where I've lived, it is in the memories I've made and it is most certainly with three stunning girls who I cannot yet comprehend walking away from to return home.
But yet, this does not matter. My heart is whole, God is big and He has a plan.
I will see them again soon. ♥

This year is going to be about many things.
It is going to be about change.
It is going to be about decisions.
It will be about losing some friendships and gaining new ones.
It will be about growing up, about taking responsibility.
It is about my future.
But more and more, I see a need for this year to be about God more than ever.
For me to seek God, to chase Him like I have never done so before.


I cannot know what will happen. But I am growing faith.
God is Jehovah-jireh [the Lord our provider]. He will provide all which I need.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

On a side note;
my New Years was great. The best I can remember.
The wedding, the after-party, dancing late into the night and then coming home to a shower and bed.
Liz, Beck and I go to Yosemite tomorrow for some girl time overnight.
Sunday; Church and hanging out with Church people, then college group.
Monday; Lake Tahoe with Sarah, Liz and Rebekah for another day of bonding.
Then the week will be filled with day trips. Visiting a couple of people, maybe another trip to Tahoe.
Friday night is the last night with the girls.
Saturday; possibly the day in San Fran with a whole bunch of people and flying out that night.

It came around far too soon.
I'm not ready to leave.